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A girl would use more 'anata'/'kimi' when a boy would use more 'omae'/'anta'. And even then, most of those terms don't refer to the gender of the person being called, but to the gender of the person talking.

Using Anata/kimi/anta/omae/teme/kisama would be (really) rude or for friends/family. In case of the person not knowing Grell's name, they could use 'onee-san'. They would mainly use the name of the person or a substitute like 'you are' in the case of grell would be 'Grell-san wa'. However, jn Japanese they use really little the pronouns when referring to someone. She also says that she is a 'lady' and grell use feminine pronouns when referring to herself. Idk about fans but Yana uses feminine pronouns when referring to Grell.

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So for people who have been in the fandom and series for a very long time than me, do you know any info from the Japanese community? Is there discussions that I should've have looked? Like since there are some Japanese fans that actually accepts Lily Hoshikawa from Zombieland Saga as trans, I wonder if it's the same as nowadays with Grell. The reason I'm curious because I was wondering if there's any Japanese fan, especially a native Japanese fan, considers Grell as a transgender woman. Heck, when I look up japanese posts about Grell, most seem to refer her with male pronouns and still add her as a character in bl doujinshi. Plus, my guess, that pretty sure most don't really have much opinion towards Grell and just considers her an 'okama' (depending what they mean by that term). I tried to look up any information of any Japanese Fan's opinion of the topic, but I basically got nothing so far (tho what do I expect much considering the series is kinda old and that the internet wasn't as broad or as accessible like now). Yet all of that seems to happen in the western side of the community and not so much in the Japanese side.

Im kinda a newbie with the black butler fandom in general, however I read some old debates about Grell's gender and how it became a controversial thing in the community uptill now (tho tbh not as big nowadays seemingly).

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Black butler grell in shorts